Did you think I WASN'T gonna rant about Valentine's Day?

Tomorrow is the day. February 14th. Whaaaatever. Yeah I'm one of those. Actually I'm one of those when I'm single on Valentine's day. Like, unless you're about to profess your undying love for me, actually if you're in love with anything, anyone, or have ever even had a friendly thought towards someone, I hate you. Go away. I do not want to see you on this day.

This year I actually feel like I'm getting ready for an apocalypse. Like, I'm one second away from hopping into a door frame because I guess earthquake and Valentine's day are pretty much the same thing.

I bet Beyonce never has this problem. And even if she did, it would be ok cuz she's so fierce.

So what do you do with a day like that? How do you get through it? I know most people go for the whole, "Love YOURSELF" thing, but come on, really? No amount of ice cream and pedicures are going to make you go, "Actually, yeah, this is great. I love cats anyway, this could really work out for me."

They told me to make valentines...

I have a few options in mind, hear me out, I think I might be onto something:

1. Go full hot mess. Sweatpants, broken dreams, wine, food that you're not supposed to be eating, and a few thousand Nicholas Sparks movies. If you do this you HAVE to do it right, or its sad. Its only sad if you kid yourself. You've gotta be fully committed to crying your eyes out because "HE WROTE HER EVERY DAY FOR A YEAR AND SHE DIDN'T EVEN KNOW IT AND NO ONE IS EVER GONNA LOVE MEEEEEEE", you know, that kind of thing.

2. Stop caring about the normal stupid things you care about like what other people think or what your "thing" is or isn't and do something totally out of character. Relax, I don't mean like meth, or jumping out of a plane. I'm more on the, go on a random date with someone you just saw in the grocery store and is totally hunky, train. Seriously, why the hell not. Might as well, right? This isn't lame like the cliche, "Try something new because your life is sad" since its not about soul searching or anything deep, its just about doing something different because, why not. I would suggest trying a bad pick up line, or a good one.. Going to a show last minute, driving to a beach somewhere, or something like that. Just don't go on a date with yourself because you KNOW you're going to be surrounded by people being stupid and kissing and loving each other. Whatever.

3. Go into a V-Day coma. If you want to avoid it entirely, this is the only possible way. You might need to start early since apparently Valentine's day starts right after New Years is over with, but its the only way. I swear, the only thing on TV that WON'T be all about looooove will be that channel that runs crime scene shows all day and even that might be a stretch because you know every commercial will be for how great love is.

The homeless are taunting me. And earning money doing it.

4. Party party party. Find a posse and get down.

I know I sound like a horrible person, and really, I love love, usually..

but Valentine's day is only fun if you're dating Ryan Gosling's character in...any movie. And since I'm not, obviously that means I hate you and your kissing and hugging. Get out of here with that nonsense.  I'm talking to you, Channing Tatum's wife.

Happy freaking Valentine's day.

Salt Spring Pride Weekend 2012

It's PRIDE WEEKEND again on Salt Spring Island.

Horses, Umbrellas, Feather Boas, Beach Balls... There is so much going on here...

I love this weekend for one reason.

LOVE!

No matter your orientation, everyone joins together and the whole day is full of love and acceptance and dancing. Everyone dresses up however they want, and there is COLOR EVERYWHERE.

Lucky for us, the parade ended right outside of Barb's so we could see it from the deck for a moment at a time while the restaurant was empty.

Working in the public, I always expect to have at least one person spew negativity at me about the whole thing, since it can be such a controversial subject. I am always pleasantly surprised at how that NEVER HAPPENS. Every year, I serve what feels like a billion people, and every year all I hear is love. Maybe those people are staying home this weekend, I don't know, but it sure helps keep the mood in a loving place.

Barb's Baristas got style!

The even more eye opening, humbling part of the weekend is seeing who comes out and supports it so fully. Again, I work in a very public place, I see a lot of people, some daily. You sort of get to know these people over time, or at least sort of. I'll admit that after a million and one days of serving your breakfast and having small talk, I might start to think I know a thing or two about you, and maybe I do, but not everything. I'll admit that some of the people I would have expected to stay home this weekend are some of the most dressed up, most colorful people I see in the conga line thats making its way down the street in the annual Pride Parade.

The beautiful thing about this weekend is that it doesn't matter who you are, you can put on a rainbow and some feathery wings or glitter and rock out in the middle of town and celebrate acceptance. No one has ever asked me my orientation when they see my rainbow shirt at work, and I've never felt the need to clarify anything to anyone. Everyone is just happy to be there, and happy that you're there too.

Your friendly Barb's staff, watching the parade for a second at a time while the restaurant was empty.

This is the side of humanity that I feel like gets lost in all the debates about whats "right" or not. No matter what your religion is, the basis is usually about loving one another and not causing harm to others, and - somewhat ironically, perhaps - This is the weekend that I feel that happening. Not in theory, but actually actively being practiced by everyone.

Maybe Salt Spring is unique, but it seems like the best side of everyone comes out this weekend, no matter who you love.

I realize that this may strike a chord with some people, and not everyone agrees with me here, but the point is, Pride Weekend or no, that we all should spend more time loving each other and accepting who we all are. Everyone is entitled to their own religion, opinion, and feelings, but this weekend, we've set that aside to just be together as people, dancing in the the street, in the middle of town, because, why not?

The Pride parade coming to its final street corner, conveniently right outside of Barb's.

The Intouchables

I have been terribly neglectful of this page, and I apologize for that. Subject matter has been seemingly dwindling away - I know I say that every time, and I know that every time, it is, in fact, untrue. There is always something to share, maybe the more appropriate excuse would be that I couldn't find any words which I thought would be deserving of your attention.

Having said all that nonsense, I am making a goal to share more things with you, whether they are long, short, text, photographs, or just some thought I had during the day.

So, starting now.

Last night I went to go see a movie called The Intouchables on a recommendation and a sheer lack of anything else to do with my evening.
Its in French, subtitled, and looked like it had the potential to make me cry my eyes out, so I wasn't particularly excited about it, but it was so. Good.

Like, seriously, so. So. SO. Good.

Go see this movie.

It is so refreshingly NOT Hollywood, and wonderful.

Its based on a true story. I don't even want to tell you anything about it except that it is a wonderful movie.

Here is the trailer. Look for it. Watch it. And know that your life is that much better for having seen it.

Identity Crises: Denial and The Power of Creative Wording.

I had a conversation with someone I know from high school yesterday while I was at work. It was pretty normal. We established how each other were doing, and then the usual "What are you up to these days?" This is the moment where you sort of kind of get the suspenseful momentary thought of "please say something less impressive than me". Just in the back of your mind.
                   
                                     Now I'm gonna stop right here to just say this.

I generally want good things for others. I hope they're successful and happy and can spend life frolicking around eating cake and singing songs with cute woodland creatures. Power to ya, but let's be honest because I feel like we have an honest relationship going on here. There is always a person, or some people - especially from the whole high school saga that you both were present for - that you secretly hope do just a little less well than you do. Its not a hate thing, its not wishing misery on others - I'm not cursing your first born, but I think we all have a little inner wickedness that just wants to be a little more awesome than certain people, who may or may not get a little thrill out of seeing you fail at life.

So we get to that part of the conversation. I should make a note that if you're hoping to be more "winning" than someone else, make sure they tell you what THEY'RE up to first, so then you can respond in a more impressive way. I wasn't thinking this at the time.

We get to what I'm up to. I gesture to the full restaurant and say, "This." with a slight chuckle. Jolly good stuff, you know.

"Where are you living?"
......This was the "Ohhhhhhhh." moment where I realized. This was that moment where my world turned upside down, because this was the moment where I realized that I was the person I just described at the beginning of this post. It dawned on me slowly that I'm no longer able to just wing it "yeah I'm in Central America traveling." I'm back to Salty where it takes some creative action to pretty it up. Anyway, having been freshly mangled in the brain, I panicked and the words that came out of my mouth didn't make very much sense, I didn't really answer the question, I sort of danced around it mentioning something about going from place to place and living out of a suitcase, there might have been a reference to being homeless.

So now I'm a homeless waitress in our home town with no clear plans for the future.
Which, as it turns out, sets the bar kind of low for the other person to be doing less awesome than me.
"Oh yeah, well that's awesome, I'm just making shoes in China for 2 cents an hour and living in a tent under a bridge with a guy named Steve, but everyone calls him Dumbledore. Sometimes I like to fish trash out of the river and read the nutritional value pieces for fun."

The really frustrating part of this situation was that I don't actually feel that down and out. I COULD have said something about my recent trip to Central America or California, or really ANYTHING ELSE. I COULD have used ANY OTHER WORDS, but because I'm an IDIOT, I didn't.

In the movie "Romy and Michelle's High School Reunion" there is a scene in which they are both filling out questionnaires for the reunion asking about what they are doing with their lives. They start out good, and as they check off boxes they slowly start to realize, that on paper, it doesn't sound as awesome as it maybe is. If you have seen this movie, you know the scene. This was exactly the moment I had. If you haven't seen the movie, get in your car, go to the video store, rent it, fast forward to that scene, watch it, stop the movie, and come back to reading this. I'll wait.

Ok, now that you properly understand the moment I am trying to portray and are in on the reference, congratulations, you are now enjoying this post a lot more. Knowledge is power.

Yeah, so I don't do much besides work and live on the island right now, but thats because I just spent every cent I had traveling exotic counties with a hunky man. Context can be everything. I know that now...

Oh yeah, and I might have had some wet napkins in my hand, flour all over me, and a piece of lettuce on my apron. That might have been happening also.

Zombie Apocalypse (Don't Do Drugs)

There has been a lot of talk about the Zombie Apocalypse coming to fruition this year. Various stories are surfacing in the news about "zombie-like" behavior.... So everyone is all like, "is it, or isn't it the Zombie Apocalypse?"So everybody just remain calm, and I will set the record straight once and for all because, yes, I have that kind of power.

YES ITS A ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NUMBER FOR WILL SMITH???

So to summarize: 2012, man, 2012. The world may not come to an end, but I'd say a zombie apocalypse is close enough. Huge disaster. Everyone start Googling how to Zombie-Proof your house.

The End.


Actually, no, wait. I lied. There's more.

I won't go into TOO much detail because some of you may not want to hear about it, but people are going crazy. Basically, there have been several news stories about people doing pretty horrific things to other people - They are supposedly linking it to a new drug thats like cocaine x10, but I don't know. If you get shot 4 times before you even respond, something is up. If you try to eat someone, something is definitely up. THIS STUFF ACTUALLY HAPPENED. MORE THAN ONCE. If you do want to know more, Google can help you. Seriously search "real zombie apocalypse" and it all comes up. You can decide for yourself if this isn't some crazy scary "happening". Also, don't go to Montreal because Luka Magnotta might get you. And that guy scares the living bejeezus out of me.

In light of these most recent happenings, I have assembled this list of things to do to get ready for the end of humanity.

1. Call Will Smith. Nic Cage might also be helpful. They always seem to know what to do in the movies.
2. Get yourself a huge ass gun. Like, huge. Like, if you shoot something, there won't be any chance of missing. As in, everything in a 10 foot radius will be obliterated. I think this is obvious, who brings a swiss army knife to a zombie apocalypse anymore, really?
3. Watch these movies, while they are fictional, they may offer help. Also, they're "fictional" but OBVIOUSLY we're going to have to re-evaluate "fiction" after this.

• Zombieland - While this is a comedy, it is quite useful.
• I Am Legend - ok so these are mutant humans, not really zombies, but same diff.
• Night of The Living Dead
• Resident Evil
• Dawn of The Dead
• Shaun of The Dead (because you might need a laugh after that.)

4. Say your prayers. Zombies HATE that.
5. Lock your door and buy one of those "real sunlight" lamps. Zombies aren't very smart, although sometimes very strong...so make it a really really strong door...if you have a bomb shelter this is best. The light is obvious I think. I Am Legend. Hello.
6. Build THIS.
7. Or this.

8. Go to space. This seems like something people should have thought of a long time ago. I don't know, it seems obvious to me.
9. Become really really distant from anyone you love because chances are, they are going to become a Zombie and then the two of you are going to have a really awkward disagreement that will be so much easier if you aren't emotionally attached to the creature thats trying to eat you.
10. Don't get a dog. Again. I Am Legend. The only thing more sad than having to off your zombie family is having to off your zombie dog. Depressing.


As a bonus, in case you haven't seen Zombieland, here are some of the rules they swear by in that movie:

I've also taken the liberty of making a couple more "How To" guides for the upcoming apocalypse:

Good luck out there.

Favorite Things: Movies

Well, its been a while since I've felt like I can write anything new. I am always hesitant to post when I don't have photos to go with them, and since I don't have a camera right now, things are complicated. Also, not a LOT happens here. Rest assured that when I get myself some device with which I can photograph things, I will stop the silliness - No I won't - but at least I will go back to posting some things about actual life and not just lists...which is what the game plan is for today.

I'm doing a thing on Facebook that was all the rage 2 years ago called "The 30 Day Photo Challenge" where it gives you a theme every day and you have to find a photo to match it, such as "A photo of you, a year ago". I'm doing it again now because I was looking at my old one and wondering how different it would look today...ANYWAYS, today it asked me  to post a photo from one of my favorite movies. This is tremendously difficult for me because I love movies and can never pick just one. So today I grabbed a list of my favorite movies - off the top of my head - to share, maybe you've seen them all, maybe you haven't seen any. In any case, here they are, just in time for snuggly movie season to be over, and in no particular order (There are trailers linked into the titles, so click em if you want to see.) :

1. 500 Days of Summer: 





Let's start by pointing out the obvious. Zooey Deschanel is adorable, and Joseph Gordon-Levitt is my future husband. Also he's amazing. One of those irritating, "good at everything" kind of people, probably too good to be true, I bet he's secretly a robot, or a meth cook. Anyways, the dialogue in this movie is perfect. Its like one long conversation, but not in a boring way. I'll be honest, it took me a couple times to get this movie, but thats probably because I wasn't fully paying attention the first time. Each time I watch this, I get something new from it and love it more and more.


2. It Happened One Night:

This is seriously one of my favorite movies of all time. I love Clark Gable and his wicked humor in this. Its unexpected for a movie that looks like this. Claudette Colbert and Clark Gable having a fake marital argument to avoid being found by the police is one of my favorite scenes ever. 


3. The Lord Of The Rings Trilogy:

This is obvious. These movies are perfect. The actors, the cinematography, the music, costuming, the whole package. Ask me a trivial pursuit question. Go ahead, do it. I even have one elf ear. Nerd from BIRTH, dawg.


4. The Notebook:

Because sometimes I like to cry my eyes dry. This movie was so good, it probably ruined my life. It was only AFTER this movie came out that I started expecting guys to write me "365 LETTERS! I WROTE YOU EVERY DAY FOR A YEAR!" and be a bird if I'm a bird or whatever. Frolicking in the freaking waves..Thanks Nicholas Sparks. I hate you.


5. Anchorman:

Most of the funny things I say are really just Anchorman quotes. And if they're not, they actually are. Secretly.


6. West Side Story:

Jerome Robbins is THE MAN. He is the choreographer to this movie and he completely inspires me. There is no other movie where you can watch dudes do jazz/ballet and look cool doing it. I would NOT mess with the sharks/jets. Their pirouettes are KILLER.


7. Batman Begins:

Do I really need to explain this? Everything about it is badass. Everything. "Do I look like a COP?"


"I'M BATMAN."


8. Yes Man:

Jim Carrey is awesome in this, and Zooey Deschanel is STILL adorable, but the reason I liked it was for totally different reasons. I don't know WHY but it took me until this movie came out to grasp the concept of saying "yes" more often. This movie inspired me to do that, and I'm not kidding, it totally changed my life. In a good way. It sounds cheesy, but it was a really good thing for me at the time. Also, this movie makes you feel good and laugh. And get "Jumper" by Third Eye Blind stuck in your head for a year. 


..."I wish you would step back from that ledge my friend...."


9. Star Trek (2009): 

I'm a nerd. I love space movies and space ships and some brave guy saying a lot of complicated words which somehow result in a battle plan to kick ass and totally save everyone from dying a horrible space death. This one was fun because it isn't 200 years old so the special effects are awesome and Captain Kirk isn't William Shatner. 


10. Crazy, Stupid, Love:

This is a newish movie that I saw on a bus in Honduras. Steve Carrell, Emma Stone, Ryan Gosling, Julianne Moore, Kevin Bacon. Its a good cast and a funny movie. It made me feel happy and cool. The relationships were really well put together and realistic (ish) and Ryan Gosling is perfect.


11. How To Train Your Dragon:

Ummmm, did anyone else know how AWESOME these cgi movies are??? Because I watched this whole movie with commentary, plus all the "making of" features (I had a lot of time on my hands, and not a lot of options for things to watch) and it turns out, this movie is the product of an incredible amount of work. I mean, these movies are always a lot of work, can you even start to understand the science and hard work behind making a computer animated movie? Its so so beyond me. Anyways, this movie was very complicated to make and all of the animation shows it. Not only that, but the script is fantastic and the storyline is wonderful. Basically, this movie rocks, and dragons are cool, so really there's no downside. 


12. The Sting:

PAAAUUULLLL NEWMANNNN is my hero. I wish he didn't die before I was born because we would have been best friends, FOR SURE. He MIGHT be the coolest person to ever live. Having said that, he and Robert Redford make an awesome team AS USUAL and are totally the George Clooney/Brad Pitt combo of their time. I like movies like this. A twist at the end, a bit of humor, and a lot of cool stuff. Huzzah!


13. Once:

I like that the "love story" going on throughout this movie isn't your classic "hey, i love you, lets be meant for each other and get married tomorrow" its more realistic and tense and "wrong time wrong place" kind of thing... This whole movie is centred around their music, which is amazing. Its kind of like watching a music video or a "making of.." feature on a concert dvd, but with a little but more story-line. 


14. He's Just Not That Into You:

Based on a self help book which obviously I'm not going to read, this movie served as the alternative. Much more interesting than a book that won't stop telling you how much he doesn't like you. Good characters, and at least one story which you will be able to relate to. Beautiful women acting crazy, hunky men trying to deal with them.. Something for everyone.


15. Fired Up!:

Bear with me. This is not a cheerleading movie....Well, I mean, it is. But not like "Bring It On". Its more of an "American Pie" or "Wedding Crashers" kind of movie. Two guys go to cheer camp to get girls and everything just happens to be hilarious. The two guys work so well together, that I'm sad they're not real people. I mean they are, but you know, the characters...nevermind. Point is: This is a funny, funny movie.


16. The Karate Kid (2010):

Yeah, whatever, the original, blah blah blah. I know, I know. I REALLY liked this though. Is it weird that I'm totally in love with a 12 year old? I mean I kind of want to adopt him. Will and Jada Smith already have ONE awesome kid, do they really need TWO? Come on. Jayden Smith is possibly the coolest kid on the planet. Seriously. Youtube it. I speak the truth. So we have SuperKid McCutersons and Jackie Chan McFreaking Jackie Chan and a movie which makes me so happy I can hardly contain myself. Its wonderful. The End.


17. Mao's Last Dancer:

Ohhhhhhh Myyyyyy Goodnesssssss, I cannot describe this movie. Its so beautiful and powerful and amazing...Oh hey, I guess I can describe it. Hah. Oh well. It follows the true story of a dancer who was trained in China, selected at random to become this machine of dance. He comes to America and becomes famous because he's incredible...I can't say any more. This was a surprisingly amazing movie.


18. The Avengers:

I just saw this in theaters, and am on my way to see it again. Everything is awesome. I spent a lot of time going "YEAHHH!!!" out loud in the theater. This is why we don't go out very often. I'm THAT person. Its especially awkward in children's movies when the whole room is silent except for me, laughing hysterically, or worse, "WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT??" and then the mothers are angry with me...
ANYWAYS what a crazy cool movie, this is. I love superhero movies. This is like the motherload of superheros ALL TOGETHER as a TEAM which are more of my favorite things! If Scarlett Johansen weren't in it, I would probably try to marry it. That woman is so incredibly irritating...I'm not gonna go there. I will never come back from that.


19. Iron Man:

Might as well mention that Iron Man is also GREAT. Robert Downey Jr. makes it the best thing ever.


20. Blood Diamond:

Holy smokes, is this ever an amazing movie. I cry a lot in this movie and then decide that I will be the cheapest bride ever someday when I insist on a vending machine ring made out of a lollipop or something. The actors are unreal, the story is intense. End of story.


21. Shutter Island:

Again, Leo DiCaprio. Who knew he would turn out so AMAZINGLY? EVERYONE, because it isn't even a little bit of a surprise since he's always been cool...  I love movies that keep you guessing. I have this annoying habit of figuring out the whole movie 10 minutes in and saying out loud "OH, I know whats gonna happen." and then Ryan gets upset because the mystery is gone. Its not like I TELL him what's going to happen, jeeeeeze. So Shutter Island was a refreshing one because I did NOT see the end coming...well, I kind of did, but released the thought from my head because it was TOO far fetched. Not.


22. Pirates Of The Caribbean, the whole series:

Who doesn't love these? Aside from EVERYTHING ABOUT KEIRA KNIGHTLEY (mostly her weird mouth and scary smile, though.) these are super fun. Obviously Johnny Depp and Orlando Bloom are the best idea since sliced bread, but even aside from that....actually, who am I kidding, it all rides on Jack Sparrow and the whole world knows it. Whatever its awesome.


23. Love Actually:

You know, if I don't look at her mouth, even Keira Knightley doesn't suck in this. You know why? Because the whole movie is so awesome, they could have given her part to a squirrel and it would have been just as good. Maybe even better. Every story is great, every conversation is heart wrenching, and once again, this movie probably ruined my life. Because now, if a guy DOESN'T show up at my door with signs telling me how perfect I am and their wasted heart will love me until I look like a mummified skeleton...then he isn't trying hard enough. Even the tiny kid knew to run full speed through the airport after his woman. Men can blame this movie for all the rejection and fits of "crazy" they get from women. Although they won't be able to stay mad because of how great this movie is. 


24. Slumdog Millionaire:

Any movie that can send you on a trip through EVERY EMOTION YOU HAVE, is a good one. This is one of those.


25. Rize:

The only documentary I could watch repeatedly. It shows the meaning of "krumping" beyond just shaking your body around in a 50 Cent video. This shows the REAL thing, and what it means to people. There is so much emotion and power in this movie, it sheds a whole new light on this style of dance. You will never look at it the same way again. I highly recommend this movie if you haven't seen it.


26. Say Anything:

I wish I could quote this movie, but I can't because I would probably just need to read the script start to finish. So much genius in the writing of this movie. John Cusack has never been more appealing. I wish I was more like Lloyd. Maybe minus the trench coat...Maybe not. I haven't decided yet.


27. Indiana Jones Trilogy:

I say trilogy because I am refusing to acknowledge the existence of the fourth installment. Because it was ridiculous. And its a disgrace to Indiana Jones. I'm ignoring it until it goes away. Stop talking about it, its upsetting me. 
The REAL movies, the first 3, I could watch over and over again. Everything about them is fun...except for having your heart ripped out...sucks to be that guy. They also bring back good memories of pre-teen years on Redwood Avenue eating Top Ramen with Josie and Maggie and watching these. 


28. Waiting..:

If you have ever waited tables, this movie is the best. Its like someone took every thought we've been embarrassed to have. You know, the ones you don't want to admit you had. The ones where you daydream about lighting someone on fire or throwing their sandwich in their face...is that just me? You you said "yes" you're lying, and lying is bad. Its ok, though, I forgive you. Anyways this movie is the ultimate movie for anyone in the service industry.


29. Little Miss Sunshine:

One of those movies where you fall in love with all the characters and are sad when the movie ends and you remember that its not real life and they don't actually exist. This movie is so quirky and adorable I just want to squish it. With love. All of the relationships are perfect and sad and real and twisted and loving..ADJECTIVES! AAH! Must stop, before I go off on a tangent of adjectives. PURPLE! Oh dear.


30. Cat On a Hot Tin Roof:

You heard me. Maggie the cat (Elizabeth Taylor) and Paul Newman (sigh). Its very likely that I have never seen a movie with more intense emotions than this one. Something about the old movies with the filming and acting style just makes everything more....better in every way? This is one of those movies that wouldn't be as good today because everything about it was perfect for what it was. The fight scenes, the tension, and the final scene with the pillow tossed onto the bed. Its like, a series of tornados mixed in with a really really soft breeze and the result is unreal. This is definitely another one of my alllll time favorite movies.