Tomorrow is the day. February 14th. Whaaaatever. Yeah I'm one of those. Actually I'm one of those when I'm single on Valentine's day. Like, unless you're about to profess your undying love for me, actually if you're in love with anything, anyone, or have ever even had a friendly thought towards someone, I hate you. Go away. I do not want to see you on this day.
This year I actually feel like I'm getting ready for an apocalypse. Like, I'm one second away from hopping into a door frame because I guess earthquake and Valentine's day are pretty much the same thing.
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| I bet Beyonce never has this problem. And even if she did, it would be ok cuz she's so fierce. |
So what do you do with a day like that? How do you get through it? I know most people go for the whole, "Love YOURSELF" thing, but come on, really? No amount of ice cream and pedicures are going to make you go, "Actually, yeah, this is great. I love cats anyway, this could really work out for me."
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| They told me to make valentines... |
I have a few options in mind, hear me out, I think I might be onto something:
1. Go full hot mess. Sweatpants, broken dreams, wine, food that you're not supposed to be eating, and a few thousand Nicholas Sparks movies. If you do this you HAVE to do it right, or its sad. Its only sad if you kid yourself. You've gotta be fully committed to crying your eyes out because "HE WROTE HER EVERY DAY FOR A YEAR AND SHE DIDN'T EVEN KNOW IT AND NO ONE IS EVER GONNA LOVE MEEEEEEE", you know, that kind of thing.
2. Stop caring about the normal stupid things you care about like what other people think or what your "thing" is or isn't and do something totally out of character. Relax, I don't mean like meth, or jumping out of a plane. I'm more on the, go on a random date with someone you just saw in the grocery store and is totally hunky, train. Seriously, why the hell not. Might as well, right? This isn't lame like the cliche, "Try something new because your life is sad" since its not about soul searching or anything deep, its just about doing something different because, why not. I would suggest trying a bad pick up line, or a good one.. Going to a show last minute, driving to a beach somewhere, or something like that. Just don't go on a date with yourself because you KNOW you're going to be surrounded by people being stupid and kissing and loving each other. Whatever.
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3. Go into a V-Day coma. If you want to avoid it entirely, this is the only possible way. You might need to start early since apparently Valentine's day starts right after New Years is over with, but its the only way. I swear, the only thing on TV that WON'T be all about looooove will be that channel that runs crime scene shows all day and even that might be a stretch because you know every commercial will be for how great love is.
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| The homeless are taunting me. And earning money doing it. |
4. Party party party. Find a posse and get down.
I know I sound like a horrible person, and really, I love love, usually..
but Valentine's day is only fun if you're dating Ryan Gosling's character in...any movie. And since I'm not, obviously that means I hate you and your kissing and hugging. Get out of here with that nonsense. I'm talking to you, Channing Tatum's wife.
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| Happy freaking Valentine's day. |
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